You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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