Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
