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• (310): View more from California

  that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something

  (818): View more from California

  its my fault though, i'm wearing tights

  (310): View more from California

  you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone

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• (718): View more from New York

  Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.

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• (813): View more from Florida

  Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .

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• (516): View more from New York

  I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life

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• (952): View more from Minnesota

  He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans

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• (417): View more from Missouri

  When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.

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• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!

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• (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"

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