she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Found the puke drawer
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
