Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm always down for nudity.
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