Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
