i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
