did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
