the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
