I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Randomize
