I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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