you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
