I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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