the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
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