He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize