The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
