she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
