After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Drake has all the answers
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
