Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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