and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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