also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
