I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
