Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
