Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
