I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
