I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
