I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
