....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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