He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
