Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
