my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
