U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
