So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
