he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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