did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
