she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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