Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
