i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
