turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
