Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
