she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
