Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
