so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
