96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
