Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize