it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
