dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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