i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
