Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
