"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
