you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just want to make out with him forever
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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