please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
