i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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