K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize