Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
