dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We don't watch enough power rangers
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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