I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
