I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
