i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize