my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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