Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
