I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
