I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
