how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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