Apparently you make a good broom.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I checked into jail on foursquare
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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