There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
