I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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