hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
