I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
